Monday, August 6, 2018

Starting Again... (and again... and again... and again...)

As I started the 30 little paintings in 30 days, I met someone, who is now my husband. I have let myself stop my artwork - I think I may have not been ready to do it again, so I focused on my new life. I considered giving up my art, because it was still too painful to work. I've been through a lot. Slowly I started to feel a longing towards my creativity again. I feel rusty, weak footed, unsure - but like someone who had a physical injury and needs to work at getting stronger and more confident again, one step at a time - I plan on taking it one step at a time. I also want to learn to let my art, my creativity go. To let myself be vulnerable and let it show in my work. Not to critique my work and hide what I feel isn't for "human consumption" I realized that restricting what I feel will be perceived as "good" or "bad" instead of looking at whether what I am doing is authentic. I have always had a fear of being perceived being not good, or if people think I'm good, I worry about disappointing them if I put more of myself into it. So I am stepping out, slowly going where I haven't been before - a step at a time. Life is a journey - we all have our own journey and we are the hero of our journey, full of challenges, dangers, failures, joys, loves, and triumphs. So here's to the next page in the next chapter on our journey.

Here is a quick sketch of a beautifully ugly Brandywine Red tomato from my garden. The bouts of rain, then hot drought, and rain again has resulted exploding, wonderfully misshapen, but still yummy tomatoes.